Not everything opens and shuts in paradise. Which brings me to the question… does everything need to open and shut in paradise? And what exactly is paradise anyway? The definition of paradise is: “heaven” or “state of bliss”. I was in a heavenly state of bliss when the window fell out of the wall one morning in paradise.

After injuring myself on a Benny Banana, I suspect a fractured rib, I headed out by myself for the last Pad Thai at P.P Cafe. Three Singha beers later and I was a bit past tipsy and found myself playing a game of Jenga with a “ladyboy”.

Joy’s story was a tragic one and involved her getting her heart broken by an Australian boy (I thought his nationality was probably interchangeable depending on who was listening). She produced a photo album which documented Joy’s life from an awkward little boy, to an effeminate teenager, to the star of a cabaret show in Phuket. Her relationship with the Australian ended disastrously after four years. She was heartbroken so left Phuket for Phi Phi, where she is now a wasted talent as a waitress in a cafe.

Entertained enough, I went back to my room situated above a shop. The shop was run by an elderly couple. I had one more beer with the old man and attempted conversation but the only thing we understood was “beer”. I finished my brew and climbed the stairs to my room but was stopped by the old man. He pointed at himself, then at me, then to his bedroom door. I declined graciously. He tried again but with a different approach. He pointed at me, himself, and then my room. I declined less than graciously the second time and headed to my room, alone, wondering what a seventy year old pot-bellied Thai man with a mole (complete with four inch long whiskers) thought I saw in him.

The next morning I was more than eager to leave. I had not used the window previously for fear of mosquito bites and had managed to survive with minimal ventilation. But this morning I decided to open it up and capture one last glimpse over the turquoise waters and the raw limestone cliffs. As I slid the window the grip of the handle slipped from my fingertips and the couple in the adjacent room awoke to a loud crash on the tin roof of the building next door. My window had fallen clean out of the wall.

It was time to leave.

Where: Koh Phi Phi, Thailand
When: November through to March
Why: To kick back in paradise with fantastic food and scenery.
How: Catch a ferry from Krabi (90 minutes) or Phuket (2 hours).